STIFF SLACK / STSL-38
¥1890(tax in)
http://www.myspace.com/empireempireiwasalonelyestate

how to make love stay
city lights graced interstates, the way you move your hands through your hair when you feel alone. remember the flowers you picked when we crossed over madison? you were so sure you found yourself that you branded it into an oak- the one you swore reached through the sky and swallowed the city line. you had yet to hit twenty-three (an age that would swallow you).

then, every breath made you confess you did not know what to do with your hands. this is a new side of you- so full of fear.

街の光はインターステイトを美しく飾り、君は寂しくなると手櫛で髪をとかす
僕たちがマディソンですれ違った時、君が摘んだ花のことを思い出してくれないか
自分自身を確実に理解できると思っていただろう
君が名付けたオークの下で
ー空まで届き、シティーラインまで呑み込んでしまうような
でも君はまだ23にも至っていなかった

それから呼吸が教えてくれる
君の手が一体なにをしていたのか 君自身知らなかったことを
これは君の新たな一面であり
ー 恐怖でいっぱいだ という合図になる

keep what you have built up here
oh no! i thought you'd changed; take back all the things you said.
i remember thinking this evidence you left was damning enough
but you took all the words from my mouth and pulled them out.
how could i not see you for what you are?
but you turned all the words from my mouth into doubt.
and i wish i could tear your heart out!
break meter and release, and still the voice it keeps
and i wish that your lungs would give out,
and finally give air to breathe
but i know better now. no words could weed you out
when your back's against the wall, you'll be crying out,
"i'll take all the words from your mouth and leave them out."
and your hands are shaking.
finally, call out!
and the silence breaks your heart, finally.
oh, i almost pity you now (i almost pity you now).
finally, call out!
oh, i almost pity you now.
and i wish i could tear your heart out!
break meter and release, and still the voice that keeps
and i wish for you lungs to give out, finally.

ああ！君は変わってしまった　どうか全て撤回してくれ
思い出し考える　これこそが君がしでかした事の十分な証明だ
でも君は僕の口から言いたかったことを全て持ち去ってしまった
とうすれば　君とは一体なんだったのか　考えないようにできるんだ
疑いの言葉ももう出てこない
願わくは 君の心臓を取り出してやりたい
メーターとリリースはもう壊してしまってくれ
それでも声だけはまだ聞こえてくる
願わくは 君の肺を止めてやりたい
呼吸は大気にくれてやる

今は良かったと思ってる
どんな言葉も君のことを忘れさせてくれない
君が壁に向かっていた時　きっと泣いていたんだろ

「あなたの口から全ての言葉をいただいていくわ」
そう言って君は握手をした
最後に叫べ　静寂は君の心臓を壊す
ああ、今となっては哀れみしかない
君の心臓を　取り出して

what safe means
you settled into uneasy sleep, a subtle hint that things were changing
and every breath of labored rest brought new designs of old regrets.
and how they aged you! how they took your strength away!
(when they entered your body and pinned fear to weight)
pull out! pull out!
lead you weak cells to oxygen, and sew your skin to bone.
you can hold on! hold on!
lend dead weight to stronger hands.
you are not alone.
(you are not alone)
if you're weighed down, i'll lay your fears to rest
you are safe now.
(you are safe now)

不安定な睡眠に見切りをつけて
物事の流動性と無理矢理の休息に関するかすかなヒントが
過去の後悔に新たな見方を示す
(これらが君の体内に入り込み　重くなっていく恐怖を感じさせたとき)
どれほど君の老化を進めるか
どれほど君のチカラを奪っていくか
押し出せ！
弱った細胞に酸素を送り込め　骨と皮膚を繋ぎ止めろ
できるだろう！
死の重圧には力強いその手が必要だ
君はひとりじゃない　独りじゃないんだ
君が重さに耐えきれなくなったら　僕がその恐怖を静めるよ
これで君は安静だ　今のところは

it happened because you left
in fall, the year you grew to be six feet
i tempered my fear into haste,
a worry that dogged our mother.
she, the baby of three, asked how
so many things could take flight at once.
there are no easy answers, and even thirteen, i
could not think of a sure reply.
at the church where i was baptized,
our father refused to park near the crowd
at that time, i still believed in god, or faeries,
or that the air could catch on fire.
when you and your friends took off on separate routes,
i wanted to follow you.
but our mother said i was not allowed to.
you had not yet learned how to fill such a broad frame.
that winter you said you hated your body,
but when spring came, you'd learned how to speak,
and you moved west
to watch the ocean eat the coast away.
i can still remember that day you left,
thoughts spilling out from my chest,
like, "who will you be when you come back"
or even, "will you come back?"

おまえが成長して6フィート程になった　その年の秋
わたしのの恐怖は急速にやわらいだ
あの頑固な母さんについての心配事さ
彼女がまだ3つほどのころ
どうしたらたくさんのものが一度に飛び立つことができるかと尋ねてきた
簡単な答えなんて無かった
彼女が13になってもまだ　私は正しい答えを伝えられないでいた
わたしが洗礼を受けた教会で
父は人ごみのそばに車を停めるのを嫌がった
そのころわたしはまだ神様や妖精、また、空気に火がつくと信じていたっけ

おまえと友達が別々の道を選んだ時
わたしはおまえの背中を押してやりたかった
うちの母さんはそれを許してくれなかっただろうけどね
おまえはまだその大きな額縁をうめる方法を知らなかった
冬に　自分の容姿が嫌いだとおまえは言っていた
しかし春は来て　話し方を学んだおまえは
太平洋の海岸の先を見るため西へ行ってしまった

おまえが出て行く日のことをまだ覚えているよ
腰掛けに深く座って思いを巡らせる
たしかこう言ったはずだ「戻ってくるとき、おまえは誰になっているだろうなあ」
そして「帰ってくるよなあ」と

rally the troops! poke holes in their defenses! line our coffers with their coffins!
it flew out your mouth, "you can drive me anywhere- just drive me anywhere but here."
tonight, the length of your neck is a lonely parapet; you are armed to the teeth and looking for a fight.

it was in your mother's dress that the temper showed signs of slowing down. your fingers traced the route of the seam (like a map of your body that landed just shy of your knees).
it fell the same way on your mother- as she was, at that age, the same height as you.
she never faced a fear quite as sharp, but her sister did and it broke her heart

what came out your mouth next was a series of mistakes- you had taken all you could take, and here tonight, the weight of their stares, well they could bury you alive. you are worn to the bone, and looking to disappear. and who could blame you?

it was in your mother's dress that the temper finally died out, and gave way to the fear that keeps its company with such a loud mouth! (like the sound of an earthquake tearing out terra firma's mouth).

you must not let it in, and keep your head up on top of your body. there are far, far worse things than this, so we must move with purpose and do what has to be done.

君の口から飛んだ言葉「私をどこへでも連れて行って ーここではないどこかへ」
今夜は君の首の長さが寂しいパラペットのようだ それはつまり
完全に軍備されて、戦いを探しているみたいだということ
お母さんのドレスでは 気分が落ち込むようなのは目に見えたよ
君の指は継ぎ目のラインをなぞったね
そのしぐさはお母さんと同じー 彼女もそうだった　君くらいの年齢、身長のころは
彼女は全く同じような恐怖には直面していなかったけど、そのお姉さんはひどく悲しんでいたね

次に君の口をついて出てきた言葉は、一連の間違いだよ
君はここで今夜、持てるだけのものを持って
視線の重みが、君を生きたまま埋めてしまうなんてことは
君は骨に着られて、見えなくなってしまっている　そんな君を誰が非難するって言うんだ
お母さんのドレスでは テンションは最終的に無くなってしまったようだね
ずっとそんなやかましい口で 周囲との関係を保つ恐怖を与えられたろう
(地震の音が大地を引き裂いてできた大きな溝のよう)
君はまだここに居るべきじゃない　頭を体の上で維持できるようにならなきゃいけない
今回よりももっと、もっとひどいことはある
だから私たちは、目的を持って動き、やらきゃいけないことをやらなくちゃならない


it's a plague, and you're invited
all of this time i should have known, but we buried our hopes in our throats.
and though it spared us from honesty, it could not deny anything else.
after the air cleared and the anger left our bodies, we slept more soundly.
we slept more soundly!
on denton, where you realized the full weight of what you had done, you felt ashamed for the first time.
but still refused to admit that you were wrong!
i swore i would not carry your weight for you anymore when, at twenty-one, you cannot help yourself.
but in the time you were making up your mind, we still held our breath.
so history repeats, and the feeling that i will one day wake an old and empty man only drives me harder.
even if you will not sacrifice your youth, it will grow to resent you.
like a body of water, it will yield only to entrenched earth.
i swore i would not carry your weight for you anymore when, at twenty-one, you cannot help yourself.
but in the time you were making up your mind, we already knew.

僕が知っているべき今回の全て
僕たちはその望みを喉の奥に埋め　外に出すことは無かった
正直心から別の願いをすることもなかったし 何も否定することは無かった
空気が澄み、怒りが体から去ったあとに また突然眠ってしまっていた
デントンにて　君がやったことの全貌が判明したとき、君ははじめて自分自身が恥ずかしがった
でも　まだ君が間違っていたと認めない
僕は君が21時までに自分を救えないのであれば、もう手はかさないと誓った
君が心を決めるまでは　僕たちは息を殺して待っていたけどね
そう　歴史は繰り返す
僕が年老いた空っぽの男を毎日起こし、きつく使われているような感覚
仮に青春を犠牲にしなくても　君は今のように成長するだろう
水のように、それは強大な地球だけに屈するものなんだ
僕は君が21時までに自分を救えないのであれば、もう手はかさないと誓った
君が心を決めたことは、僕たちはもう知っていたよ

everything is connected and everything matters (a temporary solution to a permanent problem)
on a late spring day, when summer began to take shape, you lowered your head to bear an uneven compromise. how your voice held steel, make sharp by the sound of it aloud! you were drunk on each syllable; you could not even hear what it sang.

when you were young, you spent your summers in maine.
and stripped of the friends you made, you gorged yourself on frost and hemingway.

when you came back to michigan, you would walk with words you did not speak and dress yourself with an air we couldn't reach.
so when you go back to maine, i hope that you stay (where you have corned truth and beauty).
and each borrowed refrain you sing, you sing, you sing will sound the same to the lonely, lonely sea.

夏の輪郭が見え始め
春も終わりにさしかかったある日
君は頭を下げて 不公平な譲歩に耐えようとしていた
君の声はどうなっているのか　鋼をかぶせて鋭くなっていた
音節に飲まれて 何を歌っているのかもわからなかった

若かった頃　メーヌで夏を過ごしたことがあったろう
せっかくつくった友人を台無しにして
フロストとヘミングウェイで頭の中をいっぱいにして

ミシガンに帰ってきたとき
口に出せない言葉たちと歩み
僕たちでは届かない雲の上の雰囲気をまとっていた

また君がメーヌに帰って
そこにとどまった方がいいんじゃないかとも思った
(君が真実と美をとどめた場所だからね)
君が歌いに歌った引用だらけの詩は
寂しい、錆しい海と同じように聴こえるだろう

the next step to regaining control
i knew that you wouldn't change, but i bit my tongue and swore, resigned myself to carry on despite you.
but you would not match my stride and cried, "foul! foul! how could you expect me to care about somebody else?"
and after all, who would expect anything else from you?
you would not apologize for what you claimed you'd never do.
you guard your hand like there is something brilliant
waiting to play itself off.
and when you move to strike, everything will fall into place.
but i'll call your bluff. i know you're all talk.
and when the words come out
there will be nothing left but promises.
i wanted it to be different, to see truth where it did not fit.
but the harder i looked, the farther you seemed from it.
there is a cadence here, i guess, for every measured misstep.
i put one foot forward and you take two steps back.
so just say what you want.

君が変われないことはもうわかってる
僕は舌を噛み、そして誓う
君のことを軽蔑しつづけようと心に決めた
君は歩幅を合わせること無く　涙した
「卑怯よ　どうして他の人の心配をするなんて思うの」
そなこといったって　君に期待することなんてもう無いんだ
君がしなかったことについて謝ることは無かった
何か(許されるような)輝かしいものでも待っているかのように
君は手を握りしめていた
その手を上げたとき全てそこからこぼれ落ちるだろう
でも君のハッタリには応じようと思う
口先だけの人だと知っているから
その言葉が出てきたとき　何も残らないだろうね
約束を除いては
そんなことは無いと思ってたんだ
見えるものと真実にはズレがある
僕には見えがたいものでも　神父にはわかることもある
リズムは整っていても　予測できない失敗はあると思う
僕は一歩先を行き
君は二歩後ろにいればいい
君が言って欲しかったのは　こういうことだろ


with your greatest fears realized, you will not be comforted
you wore a hand-me-down dress that never fit quite right.
your mother's frame did not favor you.
the summer she passed you were born, and your father lost his job.
he could not handle it (or you).
you wore the saddest smile that never fit quite right.
your mother's smile felt that way too.
the summer she gave her life for you, and your father blamed you,
was the summer you began to blame yourself too.

君は全くもって似合っていないお下がりのドレスを着てた
お母さんの背格好は君に合ってなかったんだね
君が生まれ、お母さんが亡くなった夏
お父さんは仕事を失い
まったくうまくいかなくなった(もちろん　君に関してのことも)
君は全く不釣り合いな寂しい笑顔を浮かべてた
君のお母さんの笑顔もそんなふうだったよ
お母さんが君に命を授け
お父さんが君のことをうとましく思うようになった夏
君は自分のことを嫌いだしたんだ


i am a snail, and you are a pace i cannot match
the long days piled into weeks before you'd speak, as the storm crawled to meet the shoreline.
and it began to rain at once!
i tried (i tried, i tried, i tried) to keep the awful things at bay from you.
but it was on the air and useless,
i might as well have tried to prove the words i fought to purchase would comfort you.
like, "there was nothing more that we could do."
or that i still loved you (when nothing could be further from the truth).
will your hand fall out of mine?
your shame lives on its own, trying to reach the depths down where it belongs.
will it find rest in your bones?
aching and pulling muscles to act out against you!
so stay your pity now.
if it reaches the heart, we all pull out.
and let the beat slow down.
(there's nothing that we can do you for now)
are you sorry or are you just scared?
there will be no false comfort here.
oh, i ought to tell you the truth! i did not come to plea for you.
where was your heart when your words led the truth anywhere else from you?
you're not sorry, you are just scared.
i have not come to calm your fears.
i am sorry i hid what you are.
but everyone else but me already knew! already knew!
and would not come to plea for you.
where was your heart when they never appeared?
anyone else would care.
but you would not shoulder the weight you should bear.
i will not shed a single tear.

an idea is a greater monument than a cathedral
will the same mistakes haunt you like they used to do?
or are you afraid that your body won't let you choose?
you are your father's son, and the same disease that holds you held him once!
and i know if you push this hard it will still take hold.
you cannot accept the things you can't control.
and i know your mind is young but your body's old.
and you can't forgive youself (though no one else could blame you for this).
but hold on! hold on! hold on!

and already i can't remember if the heart was ever aware
that the body it kept alive was wearing out, was shutting down.
and tonight, when it realized, you gave up, it cried out,
"only now i realize i always knew."

かつてそうだったように　同じ間違いは君を悩ますだろうか
それとも君の選択を君自身が拒絶することを案じているのか
君は君のお父さんの息子だ
君の抱えた悩みはお父さんも同じく一度は経験してるんだよ
それを強く手放そうとすると　留めておきたくなる気持ちもわかる
コントロールがきかないことを受け入れられない
思考は若く　体ばかりが年老いていく
自分自身が許せない (このことについて誰も君を非難したりしないのに)
それでも　悩んでしまう

もう思い出せない　心が気付いていたとしても
生き続けたままだった体は擦り減り　もう止まってしまった
今夜、そのことに気付いた時
あきらめ　叫んだ
「たった今 すべて知っていたとわかったよ」